The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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