I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
