In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
