He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
