i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
