So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize