just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
