somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
