I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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