thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
love makes seman taste better
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
