So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
