I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
