You work out of a Hotel?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
