just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Holy sore nipples Batman
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
