Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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