Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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