Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
