The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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