dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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