Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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