I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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