Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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