saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
