I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You are the jesus of drinking
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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