Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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