You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
