apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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