Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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