Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
