Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize