If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I faked an abortion last night.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize