Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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