I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How's work?
Spinning.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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