i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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