I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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