I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
