what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
