its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize