I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
