I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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