I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
