Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
