my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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