My sheets look like a crime scene.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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