a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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