I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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