She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
