I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
