there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize