Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
