Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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