Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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