God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
be right there i have to get my cape
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize