If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
