Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
