should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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