If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
