i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All the doctor said was why
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
