I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
