walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
