I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
