do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
