I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
